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Saturday, June 20, 2009*

i'm tired, there are so many issues i'm relying on myself and many issues seem hopeless... God i know you're there... help me get myself back to where it used to be, a better me. its like sinking into a whirlpool, trapped in a quicksand, feel hopelessness all around me, no one there to give me a hand, no beam of light shining in my way, no sun to tell me everything will be alright. struggling with negative thoughts that is driving me into confusion, serious, deep, confusion. I know i shouldn't worry myself thinking too much, but i can't really help it. I feel useless, thinking too technically what i should do, what should have been, what should not have been.

My confidence is fading away, even in the things that i used to feel most confident about, my ability to draw, making art, being creative, i feel so insecure about it. it shouldn't be that way, i need to pull myself out of this blackhole. many people have gotten worse than me, why am i crying out in self-pity?? i have to prevent myself from being double-minded, i don't know how to express what i'm going through. what i experienced, cannot be, by my abiity to pen down in words, my mind is in a total mess.

have i gotten myself into a stronghold that has forced me into this position where i get trampled all over and issues keep sprouting frm the stem? will i alone with God's help be able to survive through? my spirit feels dead now even though physically i'm fine. i hope tml i will enjoy myself with ah liang gang :) it will be a better day.

had fun at1:53 AM