-entering
A cooool blog
of a mysterious soul....
uncovered...=)
-Entries'-
Feeling soo much better these days. After the few days of feeling like an emotional and mental wreck, i'm more or less out of the negative mindset. Even though i know i have a long way to learn, to get insulated from the world, sometimes even from Christians. I believe God will guide my way, slowly but surely He is showing me that He is really there. At times God lets us go through things by 'ourselves'. like how a mother bird encourages her young to take flight. in the process of learning how to fly - which in this case learning to have a more mature character and to mature spiritually - the young needs to take courage to conquer its fear of heights.
But when he fall, before we hit the ground, God is like the mother bird, swoops down and bring us back to safety. that's how i learn God is there.
i'm tired, there are so many issues i'm relying on myself and many issues seem hopeless... God i know you're there... help me get myself back to where it used to be, a better me. its like sinking into a whirlpool, trapped in a quicksand, feel hopelessness all around me, no one there to give me a hand, no beam of light shining in my way, no sun to tell me everything will be alright. struggling with negative thoughts that is driving me into confusion, serious, deep, confusion. I know i shouldn't worry myself thinking too much, but i can't really help it. I feel useless, thinking too technically what i should do, what should have been, what should not have been.
My confidence is fading away, even in the things that i used to feel most confident about, my ability to draw, making art, being creative, i feel so insecure about it. it shouldn't be that way, i need to pull myself out of this blackhole. many people have gotten worse than me, why am i crying out in self-pity?? i have to prevent myself from being double-minded, i don't know how to express what i'm going through. what i experienced, cannot be, by my abiity to pen down in words, my mind is in a total mess.
have i gotten myself into a stronghold that has forced me into this position where i get trampled all over and issues keep sprouting frm the stem? will i alone with God's help be able to survive through? my spirit feels dead now even though physically i'm fine. i hope tml i will enjoy myself with ah liang gang :) it will be a better day.
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