Down and drifting deeper into senseless hopelessness. What's right? what's wrong? who defines all that I don't know. taking effort from my heart and thoughts has it's drastic effects... too much of it has been given out and for new fears to take over. borrowing down deep within my soul. a point of entry from a negative thought can build up and let the fears that i previously vanguished to take root once again. I don't know if i can wait, if i can pull through this mess... I know.. i have always known there is hope... but I just can't help to think and not be influenced by this world's superficial nature.. how humans react.. how i react.. Is love ever that true and sincere as we all hope for... but we ourselves kill off the ideal. passion, love, hope, wisdom and peace are crucial for every being that wants to strive to be better. But I don't think we give each other the chance to be that, or we ourselves being hard heading not plunging forward when we observe the opportunities pass by us. letting fears eat it all up.. I hope it is just a season, not just being hopeful but the endurance to see things come to pass... positive wishes and goals and not just seeing the initial hope all fade away...
I remember people have been telling me not to think too much and just do. whether is it at sch for friends that I know. I am trying to learn to get out but taking just even a step and i feel i start to analyze.. one feet then lunges forward and suddenly i withdraw the feet back from the unfamiliar ground fear retarding me all throughout.. I know there's an inner strength... a strength He can give.. I need You Lord... Show me You in Your glorious light.. reach out your hand and hold on to me and let me know that everything's alright. You are the loving God.. love casts out all fear.. fear would be condemned by the love you so freely give. But now I feel as though fear it letting all of that slip away bit by bit.. with every effort that I take, to be broken down again. I'm done God.. do You hear me??????????
had fun at9:44 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2010*
-*Mind blank*-
had fun at12:30 AM
Thursday, July 22, 2010*
An encouraging song, God is always by our side leading us on through our journey.
had fun at1:17 AM
I'm back to blogging :P It truly has been ages since I have last blogged.. So I'm just back to clear the cobwebs!
It has been a long time since I'm back here, and so many things I have learnt. I can't truly say I am a better person than before but God has let me understand many things and seen the things that I didn't take notice before. I really want to strive to be a better person, and I know I am genuinely glad to rely on God. Without God, His love and strength I'm just a weak being. Love is taking effort, is patience, is self-control, is thoughtful, is happiness, is anything positive anyone can hope for.. I have been going through some lows lately, but I know God can pull me through all these..
I just completed my Foundation in lasalle. I'm really thankful in all the things I have learnt and the people I get to know. School work can be a tiring and challenging affair but all of it was worth going through. God you have taught me so many things, how to be more confident, how to rely on your strength, how I can try to relate to other's more, how to love. I am still imperfect so I will keep learning. Nomatter where I go, I will put my hopes in you.
had fun at12:40 AM
Tuesday, July 28, 2009*
wheeee back to blogging! =) I am just listening to the live DVD of Christina Aguilera's Live and Down Under. Basically i have done nothing of much lately. I just went for a quick haircut today and i think the lady didn't cut my other side properly ( as usual ). Well... at least it doesn't look hideous... :D
Man i can't wait for my school's orientation to start! Even though i am having mixed feelings about it - happy to be able to finally enter art sch, arty farty environment, yet unsure if i am able to mix well with the people there - i am sure God will help me through and to be able to mix with the right people and have fun! :)
weird thing, i just realize i can't post any pictures in this post... i'll do my drawing update on my next post :)
had fun at7:22 PM
Thursday, July 16, 2009*
I'm just thinking if i should bother about friends whom are insensitive, friends that does not like critiques when they asked for it... to think of it, it is frustrating. i need awhile to cool down, I know God will lead me to a better understanding of people and how should i react to the people around me and of course me, myself, change better as a person. :P whoaaa super late! gotta work tml sia!!!
had fun at2:49 AM
Friday, July 10, 2009*
hmmm today - or should i put it as these days - i have been really free. i feel as though i have not put in much effort in making good use of my time. I got to cherish my last few weeks - or should i say 2 weeks - to orientation day starts.
today i have been working on my drawing Phasing Through Obscurity. it has been great and i feel God-inspired for this piece. i will be posting wips of this drawing ad save the poem and explanation o the meaning and concept of the drawing for the completed update of the drawing. here is the wip one ( though the current version is quite more than this ). I hope to be able to update the wip soon next Monday or so :)
around a month back a drawing of mine was shortlisted to be exhibited at Tokyo's museum. I really hope this will be great exposure for my art if my drawing gets selected. thank you God for opening doors for me, so many good opportunities have come my way, and i believe the best is yet to come! :) here is the drawing that is shortlisted. Savation Is Here: Anointment
just today i got kinda hooked up onto one of lady gaga's song - Second Time Around. actually this song lady gaga wrote is meant for another artist, but was leaked out. still.. its really great! there was a youtube comment on one of the video of this song that was hilarious! its roughly ,' this is lady gaga's 1st song that is not disgusting! but i am sure she will make the video kinda sexual/explicit', which if lady gaga ever make it her single, i feel, would probably do so.. >.<
that's all for now. peace out..!
had fun at2:23 AM
Wednesday, July 01, 2009*
Wheee, I am back to some blogging! I can't wait for school to open! right now I do have some apprehension to how the people in my course would be but I really hope I can meet people with the same passion and interest - wouldn't hurt to make some foreign mates too :). OK I'll keep this post short... just updating on some stuff about my drawing. currently i am working on a drawing called Phasing Through Obscurity. it is a pretty personal piece i have done - probably my most personal to date. I will be posting a work in progress of the drawing soon! So.. to keep the drawing updates coming in - which i think i should do more often -, here's the wayyyy overdue commission drawing i was working quite a while back. the customer was rather glad with it, so it all good.
